YOU MAY HAVE NOT MEANT TO, BUT YOU STILL HAVE TO APOLOGIZE (AND MEAN IT)

Every woman has dated a man with the emotional intelligence of a vegetable. No regards for feelings outside of his own. No moral code/judgment. No self reflection about actions. No reference of the past, the future and barely the present. No accountability of wrong doings. He’s just a man that exists within his own point of view and reality. If he thinks it’s true or real, then it is in fact true or real. Every woman has been frustrated with this guy because his response to most of his fuck ups are “he didn’t intend to…” That same man would even encourage you to acknowledge his lack of malice behind whatever he did and get over it.

For the sake of the point that I am making, I dragged men through the mud. But, now I will acknowledge that there are some women disregarding other people’s feelings too. Shit, I may have actually been this person to a few people. I could even argue that some people don’t have a lot going on in their mind as far as empathy is concerned (at one point in my life I did not). It’s not natural or instinctual for them to care about other people in general. Asking them to care about emotions is something their brain just can’t do. It sounds unfortunate and pathetic, but don’t take it personal. People do the best they can with the current level of maturity that they have, it’s your choice to deal with or not until they’re able to learn on their own. Pro-tip: If you’re not a mental health professional, voluntarily guiding someone unwilling to change through emotional intelligence will lead you to a dead end street. I’ve road and parked on that street a few times. It’s dark.

In the beginning stages of my blog, I talked about entertaining men that were familiar to me. I have not been in a committed relationship in four years, but I have had a man betray my trust and disappoint me in whatever casual relationship we had during that time frame. I prolonged the duration of that relationship because I would focus on his intentions more than my own feelings, which in hindsight were way more important…and I ignored it. As much as I’d like to tell you to avoid these kinds of people, I actually want to talk to them. This blog post today is about apologizing to people, particularly when you didn’t meant to hurt them.

Human beings have emotions and they shouldn’t be shamed for having them. Calling someone emotional because of your lack of emotions, is a projection, they are simply reacting to whatever has happened to them. They are reactionary not emotional, which logically makes the most sense (cause and effect). I’m not here to make a judgment, I just want to make sure we walk away acknowledging that everyone has feelings, and they’re free to express them whenever and however in the right context. When feelings and thoughts aren’t expressed or acknowledged, people crack. If you’ve ever been snapped on, that is why. Understood? Great!

Because of this, when people react (when you’re reasonably in the wrong), it is your job to address it and then apologize, even when it’s a response you wouldn’t typically have if put in the same situation. The key words in my previous statement are “reasonably wrong,” meaning you and that person had the conversation, and they were able to state where you somehow provoked their response to you. This line of thinking only fits in situations where you’re wrong. Please don’t apologize for shit you haven’t done, especially if you’re aware the person is being manipulative, victimizing themselves or not providing facts behind whatever you’re being accused of doing.

Ignorance or lack of knowledge is not an alibi or excuse. When you don’t intend to hurt someone, you still have to experience the consequences of hurting them. It’s like getting a parking ticket and arguing you didn’t see the pay for parking sign in court. Nobody cares, pay the fine and go on about your business. The same thing happens in our disagreements with people. At the end of the day, your actions impacted someone, so you have to pay. Millennials consider all conversations to be nuanced. Hence, we’ll fight and reason just about anything, which sometimes leads to our detriment. Some things are black and white, apologies for the most part are.

I can’t help but to feel like I’m always slapping my readers on the wrist for very normal short comings. We all struggle with something. I have some personality quirks that need work on, but navigating through emotions isn’t one of them. If you’re one of those people emotionally deficient, I’m only requesting that you do better. I’m all about self-awareness and if you have someone around you that can’t clearly articulate how they feel, this is where I come in (this might also be a little sneak diss to my raggedy friend I was talking about earlier). If you’re currently in a relationship/friendship with someone, and they have expressed that you have hurt them, go ahead and apologize.

Written by

Consider this a tough love diary to myself for you all.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store