VALIDATE AND ENCOURAGE YOURSELF

I’ve been a little codependent lately. I’m typically very sure of myself, but I’ve been looking outward asking for advice hoping I get an answer that makes the most sense. None of the answers have sufficed, mainly because I’m programmed to do things for myself — and for damn good reason.

Last week I made a post asking for help, and I received a surprising amount of it, something I’m still appreciative of and if I’m ever in a position to return the favor to everyone who reached out to me, I would do it without question. I had people in predicaments worse than me still have the resources to give without expecting anything in return, something I’m grateful for and I’m going to carry that with me for the rest of my life.

Despite my small success, as the help I received brought me closer to making a decision, I had a relative tell me they wouldn’t have dared ask for help publicly. They even told me the concept was weird, which brings me to my point for the day. If you find yourself stepping out on faith starting something new regardless of the circumstances, please find the strength to validate your own decision and encourage yourself to be your biggest cheerleader. I told myself when I began this blog that I was going to open up, being vulnerable and transparent falls into that, regardless of what perception some people have of me. I’m mature at best, but I don’t always have the means or answers.

I see this concept play into people entering into new relationships and people interested in starting a new business. There’s always instinctually this need to get a cosign from our friends and family about the things that we do. Often times, when we’re met with some apathy or pushback, instead of changing our expectations, we deceive ourselves into thinking we can’t succeed because we’re on our own. You know what you need, and you’d be the only one fulfilling whatever it is that you’re trying to do. Stop looking for approval and validation in places where you aren’t going to get it, and it’s not even a knock to your close loved ones. It just is what it is.

I had a friend start a t-shirt line a couple of years ago. This friend would ask for help and support and would be very defensive about every critique anyone made about the business. At some point, I wondered why he or she would even ask for advice, then at my breaking point, I had to recommend that they rely on their own intuition because his or her’s expectations and pressure put on me got draining, particularly because I was getting yelled at often and I wasn’t as passionate about the t-shirts as the friend. Despite the drama, I was still proud of them starting something new even if it was something I didn’t agree with, I was even open to being wrong about my opinions on the business because I wanted them to just start it.

I think the family member I spoke to feels the same way. I was faced with an issue, and although unorthodox and seemingly out of character for me, I fixed it. I was no longer moping around the house feeling like life’s victim, something they inadvertently benefit from. If I leaned on my relative’s thoughts of me “begging” for money online was weird, I wouldn’t be moving on to next venture (something I’m still very nervous about, but I’ll talk about that in a future post).

You’re not going to always have a team of people behind you rooting for you with a support sign, and I’m almost certain that you probably don’t need it. The idea started inside of you and maybe that loneliness you feel (sometimes an illusion) is exactly what you need to get something started. If you have a decision that you want to make or something that you want to start without a ton of support, now is a good time to start encouraging yourself.

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Consider this a tough love diary to myself for you all.

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