It’s the end of December. Bellies are full, pockets are empty, and routines are resuming back to normal. Fun is over and we’re preparing ourselves for the new year. With that comes new diet plans, finance plans, spiritual plans, etc.

I’m not a pessimist completely. I believe we all should take advantage of the new faith and energy the new year provides, even if it turns into nothing. Some people look at time as a construct and begin projects whenever they see fit, others need some special holiday to be reminded that their goals and dreams are being created by someone else. I’m talking to the latter.

I’m also a realist, and I want to acknowledge that most of the things we’re all thinking about doing next year aren’t going to pop off immediately or at all within the 12 month period. Earlier this month I posted this on Facebook:

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The original intent was to throw shade at a few people who have a hard time clapping for others when the things aren’t going as expected (I’m a human and I use social media to release classic passive aggression like everyone else). However, my purpose on earth is to uplift, if anything else, and I want to give some pain medicine to those in the wilderness or in the “waiting room” of their wildest dreams. If you can so kindly ignore my original intent behind my Facebook post above, below are some alternative ideas and perspectives you can consider or apply while you’re waiting for your 2020,2021,2030 moment.


There’s a Christian saying that goes, “when God is blessing your neighbor, he’s in the neighborhood.” One could argue the actuality of God providing these miracles (I’m not), but the saying is applicable to your support system and your network. For example, if your husband wins the lottery, then the entire household can benefit from his new found wealth. The example before is pretty lazy, so let’s push this forward. If you’re looking for a job and your network is successful, the chances of your success could improve if you’re a networker. Your neighbor in this particular instance is your network.

Traditional networking requires an exchange of services and opportunities. A fashion house needs a photographer and you take photos. Fashion house gets photos (the service). You get exposure and money (the opportunity). Most people look upward (e.g. mentors, superiors, tastemakers) for opportunities, and it makes sense: if you want money, go to the money maker. However, I have an alternative strategy: look horizontally. In my experience, big breaks happen when you’re connected by people on the same seniority level as you. Sounds counterproductive, but it has its positives:

  1. Intimidation is not there because we’re all equally as skilled or lack there of
  2. Our friends are aware of what we do in present time and how (it’s the most honest letter of recommendation you can have)

When and if our friends/neighbors/peers get promoted, they’ll take us with them or consider us for something just as good. Your time should come if you’re genuinely building bonds with people. Until then, cheer them on.


This blog is cathartic for me. I mentioned in my blog post about opening up that I wanted to start prioritizing my love life. Some people get in relationships and find love with real ease, but if I can be honest, it has been an emotionally draining process for me. There are days when I have to force myself to really care about dating. There are other days when I have a conversation with a person that I’d love to have for the rest of my life. There are also days when my life is pretty boring and those are the days I have time to write. It’s my own personal project.

I don’t intend for this blog to turn into anything monetary (because half of you shits hate reading), but I do believe one of my life’s purposes is to be transparent about my experiences and use them to encourage others. In short, I’m fulfilling a small goal while waiting for another. Also, this blogs requires consistency, and it forces me to think about something else other than trifling men and my fluctuating feelings, which is quite healthy…

Projects don’t have to be monumental, understand that some things create change on a small, community level and they’re still very impactful. So, I’m not telling you to start a small business or a rap career (those are the things you’re waiting for), I’m recommending that you find something that services people until God or the universe services you — win win.


This year I went to my first concert on my own, and I had the time of my life. I found some other stragglers at the concert venue and we teamed together and created our own crew (don’t remember anyone’s names, but that’s not the point). I have niche, alternative taste in music and it got expensive forcing my friends to tag along with me. On the surface, my goal was to get out of my comfort zone, but ultimately I removed codependent expectations of my friends.

My friends and family help when they can. Nobody is required to be my baby sitter, my therapist, my maid or my concert partner against their will 24/7. That was and is my job and I killed it when I had a little faith in myself. I also gained some strength to truly go after what I wanted: entertainment and fellowship, and I can proudly give credit to myself.

Saying all of that to say, this is a good time to provide yourself the things you’re waiting on someone else to do. Whatever you think you’re lacking is more than likely innate. You might learn to love yourself or fund your own idea. “No man is an island” and we benefit great from our social interactions, but the ability to coexist independently provides great rewards when chasing your dreams. You’re not going to always have a business partner or someone to vent to. Be both of those things for yourself now.

I acquired untapped characteristics while waiting for something to happen and that is the most important part of waiting. As you get closer to your goals, you get skills and wisdom that prepare you for them. The wait feels awful, causes anxiety and extreme agony, but it doesn’t have to. All 3 recommendations are low maintenance as hell and serve a real purpose when you truly embrace them.

My time here is up, and I’m almost done with my second glass of wine. I hope next year is prosperous for whoever is reading this. But if it is not and life finds its way to kick your ass for 12 more months, read this bad boy over and over again.

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Consider this a tough love diary to myself for you all.

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