I discussed wanting to make my love life a priority this year. I told everyone. You all. My friends. My family. God. But, some stuff went down in my personal life, and I’m having to pivot on some financial plans. I’m being forced to look inward and really be serious about how I want my life to look (and once again, all of the love stuff can wait). If I can be honest, dating wasn’t working anyway, and I’m pumped for the break. This isn’t a blog post about the shake up that went down or my dating life. It’s about what to not do while you’re experiencing a chain of difficult events and life changes. Most importantly, I want to talk about putting your impulses to the side and making long term decisions for the future.
Valentine’s Day is tomorrow. Most of you are making plans, buying gifts, and putting effort towards your day, especially if you’re in a relationship or something commitment-ish. The rest of you are scrambling around trying to make some plans happen because you’re going through difficulty with dating apps, uninspired by your 2020 goals or you’re flat out bored. You might even find yourself finally texting some basic guy back consistently (guilty) or forcing some connection to happen with a new person to avoid spending that day alone (not guilty). I’m in no position to give advice at the moment, but if you’re one of the people I described, I only have one thing to say: STOP.
As earlier mentioned, I’m going through some things. I have a few guys that I’m kind of interested in, but I haven’t had a connection strong enough to fully keep my attention. However, with the holiday approaching and a strong desire to remove myself from my current reality, it’s tempting to finally want to give someone a chance, mainly to not think about what I have going on. Before you read that and squint your eyes, I’m more than aware that it’s selfish.
I change my mind constantly, and I own it like a badge of honor. If something isn’t right or makes me uncomfortable, my natural reaction is to rid myself of it. My feelings are fickle and forever fleeting. Because of this, it’s important that I don’t make decisions based off of how I feel. I also try my best not include anyone in my indecisiveness. It’s not the most exciting thing to do, but I will sit still until I’m confident in whatever it is that I want to do.
This thought process could apply to multiple areas in your life, but because it’s February and this post is dedicated to Valentine’s Day, I want to just plug the idea that doing something alone, with friends or nothing at all for a day won’t hurt. Everyone has a person they decided on or committed to during a time in their life when things weren’t making much sense. That same person more than likely didn’t appeal to you in the same way when you began to feel better. I got into a relationship after graduation, I was really depressed and my boyfriend at the time seemed like a savior. He was very attentive to my material needs and we went on some exciting dates, but after I got a job and moved closer to stability, the relationship dynamic changed and ultimately ended.
As I get older, I try to own my feelings of lack and not use people as vessels for better means or feelings. It’s not mature, and it’s not fair to whoever it is that you’re using, even if you have the greatest intentions and love the hell out of them. Give your emotions a rest tomorrow. Sacrifices aren’t fun. They aren’t even fair most of the time, and by design they aren’t supposed to be. Fun consistently is overrated anyway (shot out to my fellow introverts).
If you’re in a commitment, celebrate each other tomorrow. If you’re in some complicated bullshit, have fun and get some clarity. If you’re single, make the best of it independent of another person’s presence, particularly if you have no intention on sticking around long term. Display some healthy self-love behavior, and because I don’t want you to think too hard on this all day today and tomorrow, have a Happy Valentine’s Day!