I thought I was dying a majority of this year. Some days I thought I had Lupus, on my less positive days I thought I had Cancer. I wrapped myself in my new apartment for days deep in God’s word hoping he’d perform some form of miracle healing. By month three, I accepted that whatever was going on with my body was going to manifest itself into something worse in the months to come. I had family and friends blame my health condition on me, saying I was having yet another anxiety attack. As much as I’d like to punish myself for being transparent about my mental health, overtime their assumptions said more about themselves and not me. Even if it’s common knowledge that my anxiety is rooted in desiring perfection, I’d be the crazy lady for anyone who didn’t want to deal with me that day. People don’t show up for themselves daily, dismissing me was expected, particularly in a pandemic. …

This is part 3 of a 7 part series that I’m writing about my journey into finding self love.

I don’t remember how we met, but I do know where. She’s my classmate. Around that time I was getting into fights with some girls, and she oddly was in that group of haters. Initially I was a bit confused by her kindness, but later on in our friendship, I’ll soon find out that she’s smart (this is an understatement) and she thinks for herself. …

This is part 2 of a 7 part series that I’m writing about my journey into finding self love.

I’m a private person. I’ve been able to protect important details about myself, and I’m very strategic about everything that I say and do. I haven’t always been this way, and I rarely share what started it. This story is a good indicator. My mother follows my blog, so I want to be clear that every decision I’ve made in life is not a reflection of her parenting.

I’m about to turn 17. I met him on a college tour. I had been to every HBCU on the east coast, and pretty sure I was going to one. I forfeited my spring break that year to go on yet another tour, but I was working at a movie theatre at the time, my coworkers were getting on my nerves, and I needed a break. …

In honor of my 27th birthday, I decided to write a letter to myself at the age of 17.

Hey Kandice,

You’re about to start college in a couple of months. This isn’t your dream school, but you’re going to make the best of it and you’re going to graduate on time. I want to let you know that you’ll forfeit your scholarship a few years later to preserve your mental health, and you also don’t like your scholarship advisor. You’re in a relationship with someone who isn’t very faithful, but unfortunately he will not be the last person to cheat on you. However, he teaches you how to advocate for yourself in the relationships you’ll be having with a few more people in the years to come. Right now, the world is a pretty scary place. People are having untimely deaths and compromised immune systems due to this virus that started somewhere in China. …

A couple of months ago I told God that if he made some things happen for me, I would tell it to the entire world for inspiration. I think some people look to me for guidance, but I am not as open about my obstacles, and it has created an illusion over the years about my abilities.

2016 was a summer of fun for a lot of people. Drake dropped Views and the world decided they were going to fall in love and have it up for the rest of the year. …

I’ve been a little codependent lately. I’m typically very sure of myself, but I’ve been looking outward asking for advice hoping I get an answer that makes the most sense. None of the answers have sufficed, mainly because I’m programmed to do things for myself — and for damn good reason.

Last week I made a post asking for help, and I received a surprising amount of it, something I’m still appreciative of and if I’m ever in a position to return the favor to everyone who reached out to me, I would do it without question. …

I was sitting at the table the other day and the phrase “good things take time” came in my head. I’m learning a lot about patience these days, so I can understand why this kept replaying in my mind over and over like a mantra. There’s one area in my life that it applies to in the best way, and that’s the area of conflict resolution. Most people think that I’m heartless and unforgiving when I fall out with people, but it’s rarely the case. I take time to process things that require me to apologize and forgive accordingly. …

The biggest lessons COVID-19 has taught me thus far, is that structures and plans can’t always be Plan A. Plan Bs and Cs are just as clutch and rewarding if you allow them to be, even if you’re just winging it. Some of the greatest things you’ll ever get in life will just fall into your lap for reasons unexplained and sometimes undeserving. Due to uncertain times, I have to trust my processes even when they’re painful. There are people who have taken precautions and somehow still became infected with the virus and they are recovering and kicking that virus’ ass right now. …